Because not all lessons happened in the lecture hall.
On your first day you turned up as a bright-eyed, naïve and excitable eighteen year old ready to get educated in your chosen subject, write some essays and maybe even get the hang of Harvard Referencing. Three years later, however, you leave having learnt some lessons you’re pretty sure you didn’t include in your module choices…
1) Quarter life crises are real
That crippling feeling that every decision you’ve made so far in life is wrong? Yeah, that kicked in during second year and only got worse in third. Combine that with the fact that no matter how close to the end of your degree you’re getting you STILL have absolutely no idea what you want to do with it and you can safely say you’re in the midst of a quarter-life crisis.
2) Alcohol may be the problem, but it’s also the solution
Okay, so you may have passed out on a manky club’s toilet floor in a puddle of God knows what and had to be dragged out by the bouncers while your friends took pictures, but hey, sleep it off, eat some pizza and get back on it! You’ll totally forget about all that embarrassment, promise.
3) Procrastination is a way of life
An untouched 3000 word essay on a topic you missed all of the lectures for due in tomorrow? Don’t forget to send those 12 snapchats about how bad of a situation you’re in and how boring it is before you start. Oh, and Instagram that picture of all your books and your laptop. Come to think of it, you haven’t called mum in a while…
4) Hangovers get progressively worse
It’s true. In first year you could go out 5 nights in a row and the only side effect would be a little tiredness and maybe a quick morning chunder. By the time you reach third year, however, a heavy night will wipe you out for 48 hours leading to you vowing to never drink again (lol). Oh, and while we’re on the topic, hangover cures are a cruel myth made up to make you down some God-awful concoction which, if anything, will induce colourful vomiting.
5) You can’t live off of ready meals and pasta
Don’t get me wrong here, you’ll definitely try, but after a few weeks you’ll notice that (a) you’ve gained weight, and (b) you feel like crap. Vegetables are the answer my friend, and no, potatoes don't count if they've been fried into chips.
6) Sell-by dates are more of a suggestion
Unless it’s turned fluffy and/or grown legs and wandered off you’re good to go.
7) Naps are a necessity
And they solve so many problems! Hungover? Nap. Avoiding responsibility? Nap. Run out of shows on Netflix? Nap. Seriously, toddlers are on to something.
8) Eventually you will have to clean
You can leave it for as long as possible but it’s inevitable. The cooking utensils/feeding vessels will run out, that leaning tower of rubbish piling out of the bin will eventually crumble under the pressure and someone’s parents will decide they want come visit, much to the horror of the rest of you. Plus, it’s kind of nice to be able to walk around barefoot, who’d have guessed?
9) Nothing will stop you spending money.
You might be so far into your overdraft that you’re gonna need a crane and a miracle to get you out, but if someone suggests a Dominos…
10) You can’t read 50 pages in one night
It’s not going to happen. Especially when you consider how dense and academic (and yawn-inducing) what you’re attempting to read is. Why don’t you just have a little nap and we’ll forget about this whole ordeal, yeah?
11) Sleep is optional
The above being said, sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do and if that means substituting sleep for caffeine for 48 hours of solid(ish) essay writing then so be it.
12) You will still feel like a teenager
You’ve been there three years, you’re about to graduate and move on to the big bad world and you still feel like an overgrown teenager. At this point, you’ve got a sneaking suspicion that you’ll never actually start to feel like an adult and every adult you know is just making it up as they go along.
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