When the day comes that universities acknowledge that only three people turn up to the 9am lectures, students around the globe will be jumping (or sleeping) for joy. When you give us lectures in the afternoons we promise we’ll turn up, we’ll be alert and won’t talk, we’ll ask questions and we’ll 'engage', and we’ll do all those other things that you claim we do in the prospectus.
In the meantime, if you’ve woken up before the lecture has started then you deserve a high-five. Well done, great start! Now just to get through the next hour...
1. Walk there
Hear us out. You need to avoid hot stuffy buses and get your heart beating! The sacrifice of extra bed-time be worth it. If you’re feeling brave you should run - the adrenaline will see you through the first 15 minutes no problem.
2. Sit at the front
Scary stuff, but there’s nothing like a bit of intensely awkward eye-contact with your lecturer to keep your eyes from drooping. And if your eyes do start to close, maybe they’ll just think you’re flirting.
3. Buddy up
Chances are you’re not the only one struggling this morning. Find a friend and help keep each other awake by playing innovative games such as under-the-table-kick (1 kick every time the . lecturer asks a question and nobody answers). Keep a tally because if you fall asleep you’ll lose, and nobody wants to lose.
4. Drink water
You’re probably feeling so awful because you’re hungover, so do your body a favour and bring a big bottle of water with you. Not too big though, you don’t want 3 years of being known as sicky Vicky.
5. Bring something to chew on
An apple (or err...some kale) would be the healthy choice, but gum will also do the trick. It will give you something to concentrate on and distract you from Napageddon, at least for a few minutes.
6. Take notes
Practice your handwriting. Even if it’s rubbish, it will give your body and brain something to do. Plus, you can have a good laugh looking back at your horrible notes later and they can double up as a reminder not to drink again. At least for tonight.
7.Fuel up on as much caffeine as your stomach can handle.
Go all-American and go for the largest coffee you can find. The key here is to be consistent - don’t down espressos before you go and crash at 9:30, bring a lot just keep going. If anyone near you has a coffee, drink that too.
8. Keep your eyes moving
Yes, you will probably look really, really odd and most likely people will avoid you. But also, you won’t be asleep. Win.
9. Give your ears a gentle tug
Okay, just hear me out (har har). It might sound wacky but accupressure (kind of like massage) is said to keep you alert. And you already look manic so what have you really got to lose?
10. Strategic power naps
According to the BBC 15 minutes is the optimum nap time. Nobody will see you if you sit behind that one huge rugby lad and doze off for the first 15 minutes. Just don’t set your alarm.
11. Find someone to flirt with
Lectures are always more fun when you’ve got a flirt buddy.
12. Wear sunglasses
That way, nobody can see that you’re asleep.