1. They can sleep literally anywhere
For freshers napping is a sport and their university town is the playing field. Pavement, skip, bus, you name it - a fresher has slept there. University sleeping rules apply: at night sleep is for the weak, but during the day, it’s totally justified. Similarly, cats spend about 15 hours a day asleep (usually in weird positions) - that’s a lot of cat naps.
2. They’re always hungry
It’s not surprising that first years (and students in general) love to eat when you think about their drinking habits. Just like cats they are never satisfied and always scrounging for more.
3. They come alive at night
Both freshers and cats go hunting at night - just for different things…
4. They don’t judge you
Because let’s face it, they are not in a position to...
5. They do nothing all day
The abundance of free time in first year is not always spent wisely. Eat, sleep, rave repeat is the motto every fresher lives by. Yes, there are lectures, but when you only need 40% to pass the year, sleep > lectures. Luckily for cats, they don’t have lectures (that we know of) but sleeping, staring out of windows and climbing on furniture are all fun pastimes.
6. They always want to go out
It’s no great revelation that freshers love to party. Moving away from the family home and being free of parental restrictions for the first time equips them with a new found confidence, attitude and lust for life. Freshers are addicts and clubbing is their drug of choice. Cats also despise being stuck inside. They're always scratching on doors and meowing to be let 'out out' (see below)...
7. They may drink from the toilet
Safety is not a priority for first years, and after making the big step up from WKD to Sainsbury’s basic vodka, reckless behaviour ensues. In comparison cats can’t blame their antics on alcohol. They are just a bit stupid sometimes (or thirsty).
8. They don’t tell you when they’re sick everywhere
Trying to hide evidence of wrong-doings is a classic fresher characteristic - unless the individual in question is a wannabe BNOC. In the defence of cats, they simply don’t have the power of language to inform you of a vomit stained carpet. Although, their reluctance to look you in the eye does all the talking.
9. They love a cuddle
Cats and freshers are needy creatures.
10. They’re very mischievous
Since they have so much time on their hands they can’t help but wreak havoc. Both first years and cats are capable of making an almighty mess. With just one tail swipe a cat can cause the same destruction as a drunken fresher.
11. They have no respect for your need to sleep
Fuelled by jager bombs, first years have no respect for other people. They were put on this planet to test the patience of the local residents. Cats also enjoy pushing boundaries - when you own a cat, your bed is no longer your own.
12. They fight
Freshers are silly and petty arguments in clubs can escalate to 'dramatic' fisticuffs in the street. As for cats, they don't only fight fellow felines - you could be enjoying a nice little cuddle session with a cat and they can very suddenly change their tune and start mauling you.
13. They are easily amused
Freshers are amused by traffic cones and road signs (try not to judge - they may still be going through puberty). Cats are amused by boxes and their own tail. It’s the simple things.
In conclusion freshers = cats.
This topic has also given rise to some challenging questions in the Student Hut office. For instance: Do cat-lovers also have an unhealthy obsession with freshers? We’ll settle this contentious issue another day, but to distract yourself from this conundrum, find out where your university ranks in our league table or read 10 Reasons Donald Trump Would be the Worst Flatmate Imaginable or 18 Thoughts You Have During an Exam for more hilarity.