Responses to "So what are your plans for after you graduate?"

Sofie Penn-Slater on 18 October 2016
cersei lannister drinking wine

It's the most dreaded of questions, especially if you're not sure what you actually want to do.

As Halloween approaches, your thoughts begin to turn towards nightmares, ghouls and horrifying apparitions, but for the unwary student there is one fear in particular which haunts your dreams, jumps out at you when you least expect it and hangs over you at otherwise jovial family gatherings. It is, of course, the question: ‘So what are your plans for after you graduate?’.

This article will guide you through the many possible answers to this most devilish of questions, and will hopefully ward off any further quizzing from nosey great-aunts better than garlic would ward off a vampire.

I’m taking up flintknapping

Flintknapping is an ancient craft that involves shaping flint into useful tools or weapons. This response is great because most people won’t have a clue what you’re talking about and won’t want to look silly by asking so they’ll probably leave you alone. It’s most effective if you leave little piles of chipped flint around everywhere you go and start cutting your steak with a knapped axe-head.

flintknapping

I’m going to clown school

Pretty self-explanatory, just lob a cream pie in their face for added pizazz and run.

jerry getting a pie to the face

I’m going to do a Viticulture and Oenology Masters

Say this whilst drinking the cheapest red wine you can find, preferably from a box. (FYI it’s a masters that specialises in cool-climate wine production - find out more here).

karen with wine calling it juice boxes

What degree?

Deny all knowledge of ever having embarked on a university course. Insist that, for the past few years, you have been living with your parents and perfecting the art of making grilled cheese sandwiches. Offer to demonstrate the intricacies of grilled cheese sandwich construction. Watch as they swiftly leave, doubting their sanity, or yours, or both.

i walk alone in this world

I am too drunk to hear your question

Now Student Hut would never EVER recommend or endorse drinking more than 2 units of alcohol per day, but if you know tonnes of people will ask you that exact question, it might make dealing with it easier. Or it’ll make you cry with fear everytime it happens. Either way, drink enough and you won’t even remember being asked by the morning.

drunk whatever

I am becoming a nun/monk

Nod gently and smile sweetly, as if you are filled with inner peace, calm and spirituality when in reality you’re about three seconds away from punching Uncle Douglas.

dancing nun sister act

I will not be graduating. I have failed every assignment of every module

Say this sadly, but resignedly. This should have the effect of making whoever asked you feel so terrible that they change the subject immediately to cover up their embarrassment.

hello darkness my old friend

I’m going to The Upside-Down

Hopefully you’ll find at least one person at the party who has also seen Stranger Things. Talk to them about that instead. Do not let them leave, for they are your protection.

dustin stranger things

I am joining the Foreign Legion

Start muttering to yourself in French whilst staring menacingly at them until they go away.

buffy the vampire slayer

I’m going to run away and join the circus

At this point, everyone will laugh at your ‘joke’. Quickly take the humour out of the situation by demonstrating your unicycling skills around the dining room in the middle of dinner.

unicycle fail

I am going to Numenor to research the decline in Kirinki birds

Anyone who responds with “Oh yeah, I know about that. It’s such a tragedy…” then proceeds to inform you all about it is an idiot. This is not a suitable area for biology research, this is a Lord of the Rings reference.

bilbo baggins saying no

Meow. Meeeooow. MEEOOW

If they ask you again, hiss loudly and swipe at their arms with your fingernails. For the really annoying repeat offenders, offer them a barely-alive mouse.

cat jumping on a kid

Exit, pursued by a bear

Preferable to spending one more second being grilled on your plan for THE REST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE when you’re only 20 and, to be perfectly honest, very happy just figuring things out as you go along. Here’s to you - cheers!

bridget Jones giving a toast

What are you gonna tell that distant relative when they ask what you're doin after uni? Join the Student Hut Community today and let us know.

Sofie Penn-Slater
Sofie Penn-Slater on 18 October 2016