'The University of Southampton - not to be confused with Southampton Solent University.' But why would you? There's only one real uni in Southampton!
And it's unique in so many weird and wonderful ways. Whether it's a 12-hour session in Hartley or a particularly messy Monday night in Jesters, you certainly learn a lot about life and yourself in those short 3 to 4 years.
Here are 20 things you can only truly appreciate if you "studied" at Southampton Uni...
1) HAVING A LECTURE AT THE TOP OF THE MATHS BUILDING NO MATTER WHAT SUBJECT YOU DO
Do you wait for the lift? Or do you risk a heart attack and go for the stairs? You’re probably already 10 minutes late anyway, so you may as well turn back!
2) In third Year all your shoes are 'Jesters' Shoes'
Eventually all of your shoes go that browny-grey colour, which was only meant to happen to your Jesters shoes.
3) THE DUCKS OUTSIDE HARTLEY ARE RUTHLESS WHEN IT COMES TO BREAD…
Being between a duck and a discarded piece of crust is a dangerous place to be. Outside Hartley, the ducks' only fear is mistaking a cigarette bud for a piece of bread. Be aware!
4) THE PORTSWOOD VS HIGHFIELD CHOICE
Basically you either live near the library or in Portswood during 2nd and 3rd year. This choice defines you as a person and more importantly it effectively decides your grade:
- Highfield Lane: 1st
- Tennyson Road: 2:1
- Lodge Road: 2:2
- Those odd blue flats (I think?) overlooking Sobar's outdoor area: 3rd
It's a toughy!
5) Always ending up at a house party on Alma road
Is it a prerequisite of living on Alma Road that you love deep-house music, dodgy strobe lights and the smell of weed? It must be because half way through pretty much every pre-drinks someone pipes up to let everyone know that there's a house party going on there. At 2am the street is full of the post-Jesters crowd pissing in bushes, trying to work out which house the party's at.
6) The struggle of the stairs on a rainy night in Sobar
It's great for cheap drinks, has a great outside area, but fighting your way around a busy Tuesday night can be a bit of a problem! When the rain comes, and everyone's a couple of quadvods down, the metallic stairs to the outside area become deadly. Pick your footwear carefully…
Looks so different in the day!
7) When you see a Fresher in Jesters with heels on…
That’s a mistake you know they will only make once.
8) THE SOTONTAB AND FEMSOC Don'T always GET ON...
Talking about this can land even the most politically correct in hot water so, like with all good history essays, it's best to sit firmly on the fence. Instead, here's a vaguely amusing picture of a dog... let's move on!
9) JUDGING THE SUCCESS OF A NEW PROFILE PIC SOLELY ON WHETHER TARIQ MANZILS LIKES IT
Mr. Manzils doesn't just fill you up with curry at 3am, he also validates you on social media. As the ultimate BNOC of Southampton, if you get a profile pic like from him you know you've made it!
10) NANDOS?! NAH, IT'S A CHEEKY CHICK'O'LAND
If you can't be bothered to go to Manzils, this is the place to get your 2am cheesy chips and kebab.
11) No matter how little rain there's been, Wide Lane will cancel all January fixtures due to waterlogged pitches
Thanks to Wide Lane, the hotly contested intra-mural football league has a longer winter break than Russia and come March everyone is two stone heavier.
12) THINKING THE CUBE WAS GREAT IN FRESHERS’ WEEK, BUT NEVER GOING AGAIN…
In freshers’ week, the cube is incredible! Why would you go anywhere else? But then you discover Jesters, the Hobbit, Sobar, Bedford Place, Oceana and Voodoo, and you never go back to the Union again. Unfortunately, everyone does the same and you hear that it’s stopped doing nights out 3 weeks into term. Happens every year!
Looks quite good here.
13) YOU NEVER GO TO BENCRAFT…
It’s next to the crematorium…. Has anyone ever actually been to a pre-drinks there?
14) Plus, No-one knows where Small Halls Are. Or What They are
Romero? Isn't he the new Man Utd goalie? Not in Southampton... it's a halls just off Avenue Road!
I know. I was shocked too!
15) THE MOMENT OF PANIC AS YOU GO THROUGH THE BOOKSHELF IN THE GORDON ARMS
Is the barman having me on? The toilets are really through the bookshelf?? It’s true, they are.
16) Ordering a ridiculous Ice Cream from Sprinkles
In that place your eyes are always bigger than your stomach. Who knew that Oreo ice cream, mango sorbet and treacle sauce isn't a winning combination?! After last Wednesday's experience, I do!
17) THAT FEELING OF PAIN WHEN SOMEONE SUGGESTS GOING TO BEDFORD PLACE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
Being hit on by someone twice your age. Facing the constant threat of being punched by a coked up local. No drinks deals. These are only some of the pains of being in Bedford Place on a Saturday night.
18) The Walk up Church Lane is tough...
The walk up Church Lane to campus definitely counts as a workout. It's manageable when you're fresh, but hungover, the thought of it can stop you going to even the most important seminar. First years just don't understand the pain!
19) Why are the pints in the stags so bad?
You finish your final exam at 10.30am on a Tuesday and that means one thing. It's time to head to the Stag's. You order a pint and take that first sip of freedom. What is meant to be a great moment, turns into dread as you realise you have to finish the whole of your fairy liquid infused Fosters.
20) And finally… Saying you go to Southampton and everyone REPLYING WITH 'I have heard of Jesters'
Yes, I have been (a lot). Yes, I always take my top off to Baywatch. And no, it’s not as bad as you think it is. There’s only a couple of centimetres of piss on the toilet floors in the gents…