So the “news” has come in. Brought to you as poetically as always by The Sun, that a baby was saved by a onesie as a woman gave birth on her way to the hospital. This is clearly excellent news and surely does wonders for onesies not only as a fancy dress item or as comfortwear around the house. But as an item to wear while going into labour and a life-saver. Pictured heroically in her onesie holding her healthy newborn, you look and wonder is the onesie a different class of clothing? A level above your average pair of jeans. A shining light in the face of a mundane hoodie.
Here at Hut Stuff though, we still aren’t convinced about them. Even if you are a student who spends more hours on the toilet than has contact hours, should you really be leaving the house with it on?
We have no problems with the onesie being worn in house. Even the most “anti-onesie” student, can see that in terms of comfort onesies are up there. Plus many student houses seem colder than the arctic, so are good for necessary warmth.
This issue doesn’t lie in wearing them for a night in. It is when you see all 6 foot 4 inches of the 1st XV second row wandering around campus in one, you begin to wonder whether this latest fashion should ever have seen the light of day. Even if it’s considered to be a fashionable one (i.e. not a cow with udders), this isn’t a sight you want to see.
So to help you out we have devised a ‘should and should nots’ list for all potential onesie wearers. You can thank us by email if you want…
For a fancy dress social – There isn’t any problem with this. As long as it fits in with the theme, go ahead. Hey, it could even be a twenty-onesie birthday (see what I did there…to celebrate a 21st birthday), which makes any onesie good. However, it doesn’t matter if it is ‘the only thing you had’ going as a crocodile to a Where’s Wally social is rubbish. Plus, onesies get pretty toasty in a packed student club, so maybe drink a little water now and then.
For a lecture – Just no. I’m not saying you need a shirt and tie for a lecture, but onesies are not the way to go. And this includes going to the library too. I know it sounds a bit dull but the library is a place to work, not sleepover.
For the walk of shame – Well, this could only be alright if you were in fact wearing a onesie the night before. Actually, it would be quite impressive if you randomly ‘magic-ed’ one up in the morning out of nowhere. If, in the unlikely event that you are offered one after a one night stand or by a partner though, we suggest you politely decline it. Do you really want that sort of attention as you stroll back to halls?
Film Nights – Even if you are having people over for the night, the onesie is alright. If it’s a bit of a girlie night, onesies are in fact the perfect attire. On the other hand, if you have some mates over to watch the football, it’s probably not the best idea! Even if it is your brand new one with the Chelsea logo all over it, we recommend you stick to jeans and a football shirt.
For a hungover student trying desperately to make it to the shop so he can buy milk for his cereal – This scenario blurs the line of what is acceptable. Should being hungover be an excuse for sloppy fashion? Well, if it feels like tiny people are hitting your skull with tiny but very real hammers, it might just be acceptable. If you aren’t trying to be “hip” or cool with your public onesie outing and you are actually just desperate for that milk, this is acceptable. The onesie acts as a warning to everyone around that you smell of beer and will struggle to hold a conversation that involves more than the word ‘alright’.
So to conclude, the onesie serves its function for hangover-wear and a novelty for a night out. For those trying to wear it as a bold fashion statement a word of warning. You have all seen a ‘what were you thinking photo’ from your parents youth. The one with your dad proudly displaying his mullet or your mum rocking double denim and a perm. Unfortunately, for all you fashionable onesie wearers the onesie will almost certainly go the same way as all those fashion faux pas did. Plus, people already think you’re a bit of a tool now. So, like table tennis, Hut Stuff believes the onesie is best enjoyed indoors!
Do you agree? Tell us what you think about onesies in the comments below…