Christmas is nearly here again, and with it comes the inevitable dilemma of buying secret santa gifts for that one person in your uni flat, shared house or sports soc team that you know absolutely nothing about. We don’t know how it happens, but every year you’ll be guaranteed to be stuck puzzling over whether Olivia, who you’ve only met twice, would prefer festive socks or a festive hat. Here’s our solution - budget friendly gifts for any eventuality, and a handy guide to identifying your secret santa’s personality.
The Person: Beauty Queen
Perfect eyebrows, highlighter to die for, regularly spritzes themselves with Urban Decay’s makeup setting spray, even in the middle of lectures. The type of person you avoid sitting next to when hungover because the contrast will make it look like you belong under a bridge.
The gift: Sali Hughes, Pretty Iconic, £12.49. Even they don’t know every trick in the book.
The Person: Eco-Warrior
Possibly vegan, almost definitely wearing something made of hemp, they make you feel terrible every time they catch you snacking on a bucket of chicken wings after a night in the SU bar. You’d love to be as environmentally friendly as them, but you can’t be bothered.
The gift: Flower Grenade Throw and Grow, £6.99. Guerilla gardening has never been so passive-aggressive.
The Person: Hipster
You know, the guy with the massive beard and the bike and the mac and the flat white who may or may not also have a man bun. He doesn’t seem to notice he’s gone out of fashion, or that nobody wants to see his foam-filled moustache waving at them across the library every morning whilst they’re trying to write an essay.
The gift: Beard baubles, £8.99. Let’s try and cheer that whole beard business up a bit, as we’re the ones that actually have to look at it.
The Person: Gwyneth Paltrow
Well, not actually the Queen of uterus-steaming herself, but that person that aspires to be her. Identifiable by the glowing, makeup-free skin, permanent yoga clothing, bouncy demeanour and coconut water clutched to the chest.
The gift: Himalayan Rock Salt Candle Holder, £7.99. Supposedly it’ll rebalance electrical smog ions - but it’ll definitely look pretty.
The Person: Politician
Probably a member of several different political societies, they won’t ever stop talking about the shadow education secretary and believe that the rule on not discussing politics at the pub is archaic and should be ignored. Everyone’s sick of hearing their opinion on Brexit.
The gift: Five on Brexit Island (Enid Blyton for Grown Ups), £3.85. Let satire shut them up for a few minutes.
The Person: Gym Freak
It’s all about the weightlifting and protein shakes with these guys, and they’ll somehow manage to wolf down a whole chicken in three minutes flat whilst you’re still picking your way through a slightly warm, sweaty salad that you made in an attempt to be healthy. They’ll be chiselled and tanned, with only 2% body fat, and you’ll still resemble a misshapen potato, despite those soggy leaves.
The gift: Badger Balm Muscle Rub, £4.99. Keep those muscles, and them, happy and maybe they’ll carry your Norton Anthology of Shakespeare for you.
The Person: Party Animal
Rarely seen before 12pm, their social media pages are full of pictures of them at every party, every club and every student night in town. Always up for a drink, they’ll be the one dragging you out of your nice warm bed and forcing you to change out of your comfy PJ’s and into some heels.
The gift: Alcoholic Drinking Tumble Tower, £10. Introduce them to the only drinking game they haven’t tried yet.