Go on, try explaining how it's actually in Coventry and not Warwick. We're not sick of hearing about that yet.

1. What is the Koan?

What is it? Where did it come from? Why is it? Why are those weird grinding noises it makes when it slowly rotates so loud? Is there something important inside it? We need answers!

2. What are we all going to be angry at when Nigel Thrift leaves?

Sure, the new Vice Chancellor will be getting paid loads too but it just won’t be the same. Antipathy towards Thrift (and cheap jokes at the expense of his name) are part of the glue that holds Warwick’s student community together. He will be missed. Sort of.

3. Why did everyone in the 60's love concrete?

Another installment in the game I like to call ‘Warwick accommodation or Soviet housing block?’.

4. Why does everyone in the present love building on the campus' green spaces?

Those summer parties used to be pretty good, eh? But I’m sure the new National Automative Research Centre will be just as fun.

5. Is eliminator the best drink ever or am I just too drunk?

The answer is probably both. Just thank God you’re not in Murphy’s.

6. Is it normal that Kasbah sells hamburgers in its smoking area?

Of course you’ll quickly realise that even if it isn’t normal, it is brilliant. You’ll go back to your hometown and find yourself wondering why every club doesn’t contain a burger van. Or a tuck shop. Or fish tanks.

7. How long until Westwood secedes and becomes an independent state?

Think about it, the conditions are already there: a geographical divide separating the two campuses, rivalries between their populations, and something in the middle that both sides want (sports halls). I'm amazed the union has lasted this long.

8. Who thought Gibbet Hill would be a good idea?

Pictured: artist's impression of the path to Gibbet Hill from central campus. Apparently there's an old law that mandates that every university must have at least one lecture hall in a completely impractical location.

9. The question as old as time: Costcutters or Tesco?

The deciding factor usually being whether your hangover is bad enough to make the damage to your bank balance acceptable. And yeah, it’s been rebranded as Rootes Grocery Store but it will ALWAYS be Coscutter.

10. Will we ever get that Greggs on campus?

The question that keeps Northern students up at night. At least the one in Canon park is a good start.

11. Will people ever be satisfied with the U1?

Unfortunately for Stagecoach, the answer is probably no.

12. Why is the student cinema suspiciously affordable?

Turns out there are some are some real financial advantages to running things with volunteers. Still beats the Leamington Vue mind.

13. Is Bluebell, like, a hotel or something?

The glass doors, the wooden flooring, the beanbags: it’s like a glimpse into a parallel universe where university halls are places people might actually want to spend time in.

14. Campus wildlife: cute attraction or public menace?

While being attacked by a duck is probably pretty unpleasant, it has its upsides. For example this picture is still probably the best thing to ever come out of the university. Yeah, even better than Sting. I sincerely hope it gets a mention in this year’s 50th anniversary celebrations.

15. Dirty Duck or Varsity?

Sure, Varsity is further away and more expensive. But those curly fries are worth the extra walking time. And then where does the Terrace Bar fit into this equation? At least you've got three years to pick your favourite.

16. Is it acceptable to skip the drinking and just go straight to Vialli’s?


17. Are they really going through with that redesign?

Spare a thought for this year’s freshers. They’ll never know the golden days when Warwick's logo made it look like a university instead of a middling management consultancy firm.

18. Just how bad is it in Rootes?

You’ll hear horror stories about those kitchens and you’ll be glad you opted for safe, boring Jack Martin. But then you go there for yourself and it actually seems alright under all the unwashed pans. Is it just an exagerration? Some kind of weird self-promotion?

19. Can the ale festival just run every day, forever?

The only time of the year when the Copper Rooms’ sticky floors and overbearing lighting are more than worth it. The undisputed highlight of the student calendar (err, unless you don't like ale).

20. Is there anything as disheartening as a bad circle?

Social secs take note: if people are more interested in their phones than they are in your lifeless game of 21, you’re not doing your jobs properly.

21. Can I stay here forever?

Look past the occasional ugly building and the fact that people seem to be talking about business all the time and you’ll probably find yourself having the best three years of your life. Cherish it.


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