It’s true, going ‘out’ out is the absolute worst, and we’re here to tell you why.

Here's why going 'out' out is the absolute worst. You’ve had a long, hard week of three lectures, four lie-ins and 12 pizzas. You trudge home from your final lecture at 2pm on a Friday, ready to crawl into bed with several cans of Red Stripe and binge-watch 9 seasons of The Big Bang Theory whilst eating a whole bucket of fried chicken. Then you get a text from your flat mate: “Sesh? We’re going out!”. Oh no.

1. Taxis

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst - math lady

Ordering taxis is like trying to be a human enigma machine. If you aren’t lucky enough to live in an area serviced by the all powerful Uber (all hail the king), then you’ll be juggling with taxi numbers, trying to figure out how many cabs you need for twelve - or is it thirteen - people and generally regretting the whole thing by 9pm. Much better to keep your butt firmly on the sofa.

2. Money

You’ll manage to spend 99% of your student loan within the first five minutes of getting to the club. Bye bye food, clothing and heat for the next month. Bye bye happiness.

3. Pre-drinks option A

You’ll try and pre-drink to save money at the club but you’ll just get way too drunk and pass out on the sofa and all your mates will judge you and post pictures of you on social media and put ketchup in your ears.

4. Pre-drinks option B

You’ll try and pre-drink to save money at the club but somehow you’ll just stay sober and get more and more cross that everyone around you is having a lovely time and all you’ve got is the desperate urge to have yet another wee.

5. Clothing

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst - wrapped up for the cold

Clubs are hot, sweaty places, so you’ll want to dress light. But this is Britain, where it can rain, snow, sleet and thunder all in the space of an hour, so you’ll have to drag an enormous parka with you to prevent pneumonia.

6. Paying to get in

I mean, they already charge a ridiculous £7 for a warm can of beer, so why not add on another £15 at the door?

7. The Cloakroom

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst - skeleton queue

Well done, you brought a coat! Your mum would be proud. Now, wait for half an hour in a queue whilst you slowly sober up just so you can hand your coat to the world’s most bored teenager and pay then a fiver for the privilege.

8. To the bar!

Where’s the bar? Oh yeah, behind that five-person deep crowd. That’s another half hour gone.

9. Heels

Dear god, why do we ever wear these ridiculous contraptions? I mean, sure, they make our butts look good and we can see over people's heads and stamp on the toes of that sweaty guy that keeps dancing too close, but at what cost? By 2am we’ll be sprinting across a main road in tights whilst trying to ignore that seeping sensation that might just be blood.

10. It’s so LOUD

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst - loud noises

Go to a club, spend four hours screaming into the ear of the person next to you who can’t hear, so they scream back but you can’t hear so the whole thing is pointless.

11. The talent

Let me tell you now, they won’t look as good in the morning. As Ed Sheeran says, ‘the club isn’t the best place to find a lover’. Preach.

12. The people

People you’ll meet in a club:

  • The guy who’s on something and is completely unaware of his surroundings. Will elbow you in the head

  • The ‘handsy’ guy who has to be thrown out by security

  • The person who is now 80% alcohol, 20% human being, and they will be sick on your shoes

  • The one who thinks they can dance and gives you second-hand embarrassment

  • Your best friend, who you meet for the first time in the ladies and then forget about two minutes later (still bonded for life though, yay for the sisterhood)

  • The person who just stands in the corner looking miserable. Probably you.

13. Your friends

At least one friend will either be refused entry or forcibly ejected from the club, leaving the rest of you feeling angry, guilty and mildly concerned for their safety, all at the same time.

14. The drinks

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst donna parks and rec

Nowhere but a club is it acceptable to drink any of these things; skittle bombs, jager bombs, cheeky v’s or snake bites. Because they are horrible and it’s a terrible idea.

15. When the lights come up...

… and everyone is transformed from young, beautiful, glowing people to scary monsters with smudged makeup, red eyes and sweat patches. Mmmmm.

16. The taxi home

You’ll open the window to be sick and get it all the way down the car door. Then you’ll be left, cold and alone in the rain… wait, is it sleeting again?

17. The walk home

Possibly barefoot, definitely very wobbly, you and your friends will lurch home through the cold of the early morning. Someone will lose their phone. You might cry a little as you try and find your keys.

18. Drunk food

A kebab might look like exactly what you need at 3am, but trust me when I say it's not. Although you might look like a dropped kebab the next morning.

19. Home at last

19 reasons why going 'out' out is the absolute worst sleepy pug

Dear duvet, why did I ever leave you?

20. The Hangover

Shaking, painful, headache-so-bad-you-can't-open-the-curtains, pass-me-12-pints-of-water-and-a-bin, stuck-in-the-toilet-all-day hangovers. No thanks.

21. The fact it will happen all over again next week

Excellent.

If you enjoyed this, we think you'll love 14 Problems You'll Only Recognise If You Went To a British Uni

Or, try 11 Reason's Why Nandos Is Completely Overrated

That's why going 'out' out is the absolute worst.

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