1. When someone comes over to tell you how to use the equipment ‘correctly’.
Who made you the expert? The gym is basically my second home, I know what I’m doing and I don’t need you to tell me otherwise. You might be studying sports science but I say 'be gone patroniser!'
2. When the person next to you looks like they haven’t even broken a sweat and you look like a tomato.
Ever heard of the phrase ‘sweat is your fat crying’? Remember that when you are sweat free… Push yourself and release loads of that pent up negative university energy.
3. When people hog equipment to sit down and go on their phones.
There’s a time and a place like, I don’t know, anywhere else other than the gym? People are actually here to work out and you are only here to work out your thumbs. Move please.
4. When there’s loads of beefy guys in the weights section and it gets too intimidating to walk in.
I think it’s a fair assumption that you have to feel pretty confident to walk over to a free weights section purely because of the amount of gym-heads there! Regardless of whether you are a boy or girl, you always feel judged when you enter this area. They are probably far too absorbed in their own workouts to even notice you but you know that this is where the serious gym attendees spend their time. You feel like you are walking into a lions den… RIP pride!
5. When you go on a mat to do some floor work in a huge section and someone decides to pick the mat right next to you.
There is SO much room, can’t you give me a bit of space? Just, WHY?! It’s the last thing you want after a busy day of lectures and essay writing. You are at the gym to have a bit of you time, so you really don’t want them there puffing and grunting in your ear. Get away!
6. When you stand at the back of a class you’ve never been to and someone squeezes in even further behind you!!
Sneaky McSneakerson over there squeezed in behind you knowing full well that you’ll have to move forwards to give them space. No, just no. Now they’ll see you do everything wrong and watch you fail at life! In fairness, they are probably going to be in too much pain themselves to focus on you so just think about that?
7. When someone walks in wearing nothing but a sports bra and extremely short shorts (women) or is topless (men) on a freezing cold day.
We all get it, you have a rocking body but can you put it away please? There is this thing called being modest… have you not heard of it? Yes, we are all just jealous...
8. When people don’t put the equipment away after using them so you have to try to hunt it down!
How hard is it to put stuff back where you found it? You’d think it was super hard judging by the amount of equipment left in random spots around the gym. Guys, come on! Help your fellow gym-ers have an easier ride yeah? If you can lift them, you can put them back.
9. When people don’t wipe down equipment after using them, particularly AFTER cardio.
You are just about to start your workout by doing a light jog on the running machine to warm up. You step on and see sweaty hand marks all over the front of it. Is it just me or does it make you feel even dirtier than not showering after a night out??!!
10. When you start doing the next part of your routine and then realise that you left your phone, headphones and gym bottle on your last bit of equipment.
The heart lurch when this happens is not the one. It’s that rush of pure dread and panic before you remember where you left your stuff... It almost compares to that essay you had to finish at 5am this morning to submit at 9am. SO MUCH ADRENALINE.
11. When you get all the way to the gym and then realise that you have forgotten your padlock/pound for the locker.
Now you need to have a serious think, do you risk leaving all of your stuff in a locker without a lock and hope for the best, do you go home to pick up the lock and come back again or do you lug your stuff around the gym with you? Decisions, decisions. Better option: go home and Netflix binge, you tried.
12. When you forget to charge your ipod the night before.
You are ready and excited to get a great workout under your belt. You go to turn your music on and nothing… nada… It’s flat! So you have to stick to the quiet music that’s playing in the actual gym. CRY.
13. When your new power hour tunes haven’t synced.
Leading on from the last point, when you download LOADS of new songs and create a new playlist, then you realise that it didn’t sync properly… this is when the tears start to really prickle. You had so much hope for this workout and now, you have to stick to all of the old stuff that you hear every.single.day. BORE OFF, I WANT MY NEW SONGS!
14. When the fitty you’ve had your eye on leaves :(
Missed your chance because you didn’t have the confidence to go and strike up a conversation with the person you had your eye on? Good things come to those who weight… (see what I did there, muhaha)
15. When you bump into someone you know mid sesh and they expect a full blown conversation. Hi, bye.
You were doing so well, completely killing the sets, and someone from class strolls over. It’s nice to see them but you are on a strict time slot as you have to be home to write more of your essay when you get in this evening. However, they clearly have all of the time in the world and talk at you for an age. Whhhhhy?!
16. When the PT’s come to try and help but you just wanted a peaceful workout.
This is the worst when you were in a mood about going in the first place. The last thing you want to feel is that people are watching and judging you after you found out your essay results earlier today (oh dear). You don’t even want to be there, you want to be at home sulking while stuffing your face with pizza! However, talking to one of these guys will help make the exercise more challenging and fun as it will give your workout purpose and structure... Worth it?
17. When you go with a friend who is really fit and they make you look like a beached whale.
You think you are getting fitter and then you go with your flatmate and oh my wow! They must be a God to be able to do the stuff they are doing. So, you slowly and discreetly attempt to make yourself scarce in order to hide your shame.
18. When you accidentally bring your flannel instead of a towel to a spin class.
Imagine how much you sweat during a run, now times that by ten. That is how sweaty you get in a spin class if you are doing it right. It literally drips off you! So, realising that your ‘towel’ is actually not even the size of your head can be very disappointing. Your flannel gets very wet, very quickly, so you essentially end up wiping sweat away with sweat. Mmm, stinky!
19. When the protein fart smell gets too much.
There really is nothing quite like a protein fart. How does a bit of powder in a drink create a smell so rancid that it compares to that of rotting flesh? It really isn’t a good experience! Vom!
20. When the gym is so full, you don’t even get a chance to work out.
You dragged yourself this whole way for what? Waiting at least ten minutes for every bit of equipment that you want to use… Totally worth the time when you could have done more of your required reading, NOT!
21. When people are taking selfies in the mirrors and you want to get past but you don’t want to be in the photo.
Can you not be so vain please? I mean, take them at home, with bits of equipment you are using or in the changing rooms if you fancy it but posing in the mirrors on the gym floor? They are there for you to watch your form while working out, not for taking photos of yourself! People actually need to use those mirrors.
22. When people say to girls ‘you’ll get big if you lift weights’...
Four words: Babe, do your research?
23. When you intend to get up early to fit in a gym sesh before uni but your bed is too comfy and then you feel guilty for the whole day.
Sometimes, you just have to let your body rest and other times it’s just laziness. With me, it’s usually laziness. I feel so much better after doing it if I actually make the effort but, bed. It whispers in my ear every morning ‘but you could sleep more?’. It wins me over…
24. When you put your stuff down to dib a spot in a class while you go to grab the equipment required and when you return someone else is standing there.
Put your foot down on this one, politely though of course. They’ll probably be nice about it and move but if they try and get crafty, do not budge. You were there first! If it was really that much of a problem for them then they should have arrived earlier in order to avoid getting a bad spot.
25. When you’ve finished your leg workout and have to get out of the gym via… the hundreds of stairs!
Hundreds of stairs may be slightly dramatic but it certainly feels like that many and the time it takes you to walk down them.. It may as well be. You genuinely fear for your life during this moment in time. One buckle of a knee could send you flying down the stairs. I guess that they don’t call it a ‘flight’ of stairs for nothing. You must hold on to the banister for dear life and hope for the best.
If you liked this ranty article, why not try reading our article on why Sofie thinks that Nando's is over-rated... Read here.