How to throw a house party to end all house parties

If you want to know how to throw a house party unlike any other, then you've come to the right place for expert advice.

Have you always wondered how to throw a house party that’s not just ‘good’ but ‘mind-bendingly, unbelievably, once-in-a-century awesome’? Here’s how. Whether you’re leaving halls behind and moving into a new house in September or saying goodbye to university life forever, there’s only one thing to do. Throw a house partaaaay!

Snacks

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You’ll need snacks - so that people have something to do with their hands when they arrive, so your guests are less likely to be messy drunk and so that you don’t have to scrabble around in the freezer for bits of bread to feed that one bloke who is sick in the bath. Go for crisps, snacky chocolate and popcorn and place artfully in plastic bowls on a table.

Drinks

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Obviously, people bring their own drinks to a party, but it’s always good to have something to hand that makes a) you feel like a superior host and b) people want to come back for another party in the future. Think of it as an investment in next year’s bash. Make potent, luminous, sugary cocktails and serve in those little plastic cups for maximum ‘we tried, but not too hard’ effect.

Lighting

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Don’t have the big light on. Seriously, nobody wants to see what anyone else looks like after 10 vodkas. And just think how good you’d look lit by the gentle glow of Christmas lights you’ve just dug out of the cellar. In the immortal words of Tom Haverford “turn off every light that doesn’t have a coloured bulb”.

Zones

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Don’t have music in just one area and nothing in the rest of the house - you’ll either drive everyone in a herd into the kitchen where they’ll stand around like hunted gazelles, or everyone will end up in the garden. Clear a space for a dance/awkward mingling area with seating around the edges and popular music and have another zone with a tonne of cushions and rugs and some niche tunes. That way people can avoid their exes in comfort.

Music

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Speaking of music - get yourself some decent Bluetooth speakers that require a pin. Create a playlist in advance (or find one you like) and keep your phone on you at all times, or at least hidden in a cupboard where nobody can find it and suddenly start playing The Smiths.

Theme

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You don’t have to have a fancy-dress theme, but it’s a nice idea. Try 70’s or 90’s themes, or an 'S&M or M&S' party. You could do an ‘around the word’ theme and play Daft Punk while eating tacos. Your call, but a theme can give people something to channel that pre-party angst into.

Invites

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Don't invite anyone you don't trust, or do an open invite on FB (this is secondary-school knowledge, but somehow still needs saying). If you invite 100 people on Facebook, nobody will show up, or every single person at your uni will turn up. Invite no more than 40, but point out that people can bring friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, pets or professors (I don’t know what teachers at your uni are into).

Neighbours

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Tell them that you’re having a party (and invite them over)! This way, you’ll be more likely to avoid visits from the police, and less likely to have to turn the music down at 2 am.

Timing

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Tell everyone to arrive 2 hours earlier than you’d like them to. Nobody wants to be the first person there, so they should all rock up 2 hours late - or exactly on time.

Party games

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Have a deck of cards on hand, drag out an old game of Twister or plan some drinking games. People love a drinking game when they’re desperately trying not to be anxious around new people.

Bins

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Not very exciting, but if you can get your guests to do 99% of the work for you when it comes to binning and recycling cans, bottles and cups then the clean-up the next day will be a heck of a lot easier.

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