Worried about looking like a stereotypical student? Don't be. Just make sure you approach every situation with student logic!

When you start university and become introduced to student life, you realise that there is so much you can get away with. The freedom of living by yourself and getting to eat whatever you want, whenever you want is only one of the perks of moving away from home. However when you enter student life, you also enter adult life. And that is the scarier part. There are limits to the things that you can do, but you can get around them with student logic - the policy by which anything is appropriate, because you’re a student.

Think about the time you lived off cheap packet noodles because you a) never learned how to cook, b) spent all your money on alcohol, c) don’t have anything else in your cupboard or d) all of the above. It was all fine because you’re a student and it’s kind of expected of you. Here’s how to back up stereotypical student behaviour with cold, hard logic.

1. Students are lazy  

Logic: we’re only lazy because we’re always tired from going out on a mad one and then having to make it to a 9am lecture the next day, or having to revise and/or meet deadlines in the one week we're given to submit our work. Soon you’ll find yourself staying up until 3am one night to finish off an essay and getting up at 4pm the next day. When your sleeping patterns are hardly a pattern, of course you’re going to look lazy! The easiest thing to do is embrace it (using your student logic, of course).

Jeff from Community talks about being a lazy student

2. Student are always broke

Logic: Well…… student loans are exciting. It’s like getting a key that unlocks a whole new world of things you couldn’t afford before. And so, you go out and buy everything you’ve always wanted (but don’t necessarily need). Like those trainers, or maybe you see a few of those infamous student deals and you simply MUST have all those dresses, and of course you need a coat for the fast approaching winter. And then there’s the ‘going out with your mates’ times when you drunkenly pull out your card to get the drinks in. It’s all good until you realise that the cost adds up and your budget stretches about as far as a piece of spaghetti. And then when it comes to actually buying stuff we need (i.e. food) we can hardly afford anything other than packet noodles and a tin of beans from Sainsbury’s Basics.

despicable me man has no money

3. Students don’t care about their futures

Logic: Hold up just a minute! To be a student, you need to get into university. To get into university, you need to achieve a certain level in AS and write a statement essentially saying why you are the best without sounding too pompous, AND THEN wait around nervously to take exams, open your results letter and confirm your place. A lot of the journey is academically and emotionally challenging and brings plenty of nerves, stress and all-nighters. But apparently we put ourselves through all of that because we don’t care about our future. We just want the student loan.

community college students have grown up problems

4. All students do is drink and go out partying

Logic: Well, yeah! Sometimes we just need to let loose from all the uni stress, and sometimes we’re just bored and want to go out. People say that the uni years are the best of their life; we’re just trying to get that experience and make memories along the way. And yes, alcohol is often the starting point. There’s nothing like some good music and a drinking game to get you going. And then there’s Fresher’s week – a whole week where you are practically obliged to go out on a booze fest every night. People expect students and Freshers to go out drinking and we happily comply (despite the best efforts of our bank accounts).

my talent lies in drinking

5. Students are unprepared

Logic: True. When you first move away from home, you realise how many things you took for granted. Like a whisk, for example. Or your parents doing your laundry for you. It’s a genuine struggle to wash, dry AND put away dishes, or to know when and how to change your bed sheets. How many plates are you even supposed to have anyway? Because it turns out that if you don’t have enough, the day will come when you’ll find yourself eating cereal out of a mug and beans straight from the tin.

ron swanson regrets nothing

So like those people who have an answer for everything, as a student, your answer is always ‘student logic’. Because people may think they know what it’s like to think and act like a student, but its only when you are in that position yourself that you realise why you do what you do: it’s because you’re a student, and that’s all there is to it. 

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