Find the classic Beaverworks girl on a disco night, drowning in the glitter that she poured over her face. She’ll be wearing a crochet halterneck top with flares and Adidas Superstars. She can’t wait to go to Bestival next year.
Her temperament will go one of two ways - either she’ll be your best friend forever after 30 seconds of talking, or that crazy b**** who's banging on the toilet door. Watch out for the latter.
The Pryzm boy must be wearing sunglasses or he’ll be refused entry. He’ll lurk in the corner with four VK’s in hand, trying to hide from the fact he can’t see ANYTHING. Weird, right? Never trust anyone who goes to a club with a carpet.
The Pryzm female is a completely different species. You’ll find her stumbling across millennium square at 2am, barefoot, in streaky tan, carrying her heels and eating cheesy chips. She’ll most likely be crying and informing passers-by in great detail about her current f***boy situation.
The Warehouse boy is on his rugby social with the lads. Lads, lads, lads! They’re scouting out their prey and they certainly aren’t hiding it. Staring and pointing at their next victim and jumping up and down to try and release some of the overbearing testosterone they have pumping through their veins.
What you should expect: an elbow to your face.
What you shouldn’t expect: an apology.
You’ll find the mint boy wearing a buttoned-down paisley shirt and white Nike socks. Watch out for his rippling calf muscles from hours of shuffling to that 4/4 beat. When they’re not deep in the shuffle, you’ll often find them dripping in sweat and commending the DJ for playing their favourite deep house mix. A bucket hat, snapback and a bum bag strapped across their shoulder are common accessories. You’ll find them at the after-party begging to take over the decks.
The Student Union
The Student Union boy is often found at Fruity, his favourite night. He’ll be wearing a v-neck t-shirt that he wears every week (it’s his pulling outfit). He hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol before uni and he thinks that the best place to lose his virginity might just be on the dancefloor. He’ll have a good grind to Apple Bottom Jeans and a sloppy snog to Wonderwall. He might even get to second base before he realises he’s half stuck to that goddamn sticky dancefloor.
Hyde Park Book Club
Must be vegan.
Must be wearing a hand-woven poncho from Tibet.
Must have found self on top of Machu Picchu during gap year.
Must have been wearing the same t-shirt for at least 3 weeks.
The Hyde Park Book Club student will fit all these requirements. And make sure you leave him a lot of space on the dancefloor. Who knows what direction his arms will go when he really feels the music.
Find the typical Wire girl crawling down to the dark, dingy dungeon which is in fact Wire itself. She’ll be completely smashed just like everybody else in there. Is there something in the walls of Wire that makes people completely f*****? Or is it just the vodka and narcotics? Okay, it’s probably the latter.
The typical HiFi girl is in a great mood, dancing away to Jackson 5. You’ll make best friends with her in the toilets, as long as the crazy toilet lady gives you a chance, which is actually very unlikely. Her mood will take a turn for the worst as the 'Rum N Ting' finally hits her and she realises she’s going to be sick. After throwing up on the cobbled streets you’ll find her in McDonald's, munching on some mozzarella sticks and acting like nothing ever happened.
That pretty much sums up a type of person for every nightclub in Leeds… Which drunk and clueless clubber are you?