Your alternative guide on how to ensure you make it through Results Day.


Are you receiving your results on Thursday? This is the only guide you need to ensure you follow official Results Day protocol and fit right in with the crowds. Have you had sleepless nights worrying about how to make sure you execute the perfect 'Results Day jump' for the paparazzi? Lack of inspiration in trying to formulate strategies for maximum likes on your Results Day Facebook status? We've got you covered. 

Sarcasm aside for a second, good luck everyone! 



1) Results Available in T-minus 2 hours

The best and most painless way to get yourself through the morning in the hours before your results become available, is to simply sleep through it. However, if your anticipatory trembling means sleep is eluding you, get yourself up and whack on a couple of episodes of Friends. You couldn’t possibly be unhappy whilst watching Friends. Especially if it’s the one where Joey speaks French. Kick back and try to relax, why not even treat yourself to a bowl of Coco Pops before setting out on the adventure that is Results Day. 

2) Opening the Envelope

The result of 2 years of hard work lying in your hands, this is the worst bit. To make it as painless as possible, we’d advise taking yourself off away from the masses to open them. This simply means you don’t have to deal with crowds of squawking friends hovering around and pestering you about how you did, whilst you’re still trying to work it out for yourself. Then just get it over and done with, rip off the plaster, so to speak. Good luck! Our article on Results Day and Clearing has some fantastic advice should you need it. //

3) Notifying the Masses

Should you achieve the grades you hoped (fingers crossed!), it is only right you follow results day protocol and immediately telephone your entire family to inform them of this joyous news.

If you organise yourself prior to August 13th, there are more efficient ways of spreading the word which don’t involve making 20 odd phone calls to long lost relatives. Lord of the Rings style, you could use a lighting of the beacons to signify your acceptance into university, or even release a flock of carrier pigeons with your results strapped to their legs.  Or perhaps fax out a telephone tree, informing relatives whom they are responsible for contacting and passing the message onto once they hear of your results day fate. It’s up to you, the power’s in your hands today. 

4) The ‘infamous jump’

Forget actually opening your results, no, the most hotly anticipated part of results day is the moment you find out whether you’re one of the lucky few selected for the notorious newspaper shot. You don’t want to be caught unaware, whether you intend on showcasing your best surprised expression or your finest look of absolute euphoria, get practicing well in advance. Whatever you do, make sure you have that perfect jump, with results in hand, nailed before you rock up to get your envelope.

So prepare your favourite outfit and make sure your hair is on point. This is your big moment, one which every relative under the sun will be sure to have stuck to their fridge for years to come. Make sure it’s a good one. 

5) The Obligatory Facebook status 

Now this one can be tricky to execute. You’ll need to convey to your audience a sense of incredulousness that you got the results you needed (granted, having been predicted them and subsequently spent 3 months revising you may have expected them, but no one else needs to know that). Throw in a bit of overuse of the exclamation mark to reiterate how ecstatic you are, then incorporate your results and the uni you’re off to and you’re set. Regardless of how well you do, follow this easy format and we guarantee the likes will come rolling in.

6) Celebrate

This should preferably be done with all of your school friends by your side, out in your local town; though for those of you less keen on knocking back tequila shots, a fun night in with friends is also acceptable. The celebrating starts as soon as you can stomach it, be that 11am or 6pm. Ideally you should start the festivities with some food and beverages in your local Wetherspoons. Then head off to the grottiest, most iconic student club of your local area – consuming copious units of alcohol along the way. You’ve earned it! Plus, it’s time to start preparing your liver for Uni after all.

Be sure to upload photos of the night to Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and wherever else you possibly can; make sure the whole world knows how much fun you had celebrating! Sneakily slip your results into the caption again for some bonus likes! 

feel like a results day guru?! Let your Friends In on the secrets too!

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