Whether you're Mark, Jez, or Super Hans, you'll recognise these stages of a night out.

Attempting to recollect last night? A hazy pres, stumbling into the taxi, tripping over in the club, ending the night in the kebab shop with garlic mayo smeared on you from ear to ear, waking up only to stare unblinkingly into the abyss of regret – we all know the drill. Think you retained your dignity last night? In that case, let Mark, Jez and Super Hans refresh your memory…

1. And so it begins...

You had a long day at uni (2 whole hours of lectures), you have an essay in for next week that is yet to materialise, you’ve had dinner and you’re curled up in front of the sofa informing Netflix that yes, you are indeed still watching. As it stands, a night out is the last thing you want to do. But duty calls, your housemates have all started getting ready, so you start to make attempts to psych yourself up for the sesh.

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But then again...

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2. You ask what night it is and pretend you’re cool enough to know who’s playing

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No one will notice... Right?

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3. When you have eventually convinced yourself that this is a good idea, you get off to an awkward start...

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But then end up having quite a cute time getting ready with your housemates.

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4. It’s time to pre

Seeing as you’ve nearly rinsed your loan, you try to drink as much alcohol as you can physically retain before leaving the house. Definitely the only reason why you’re behaving quite so overly affectionate towards your friends.

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5. Everyone piles into the taxi, requests the driver to play some bangers, and you’re feeling pretty giddy

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6. You’re ready to get into the club, but the bouncer has other plans

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7. After a skirmish with the bouncer, the gang are finally all in and you head straight to the dance floor to pull some serious shapes

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8. You’re on cloud 9, confidence is flying high

You decide this is prime time to break that year-long dry spell, so you start to assess the talent on the dance floor.

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9. You try to entice the guy at the bar with your irresistible charm. Naturally, you get rejected in seconds – they just don’t know what they’re missing…

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10. Anyway. Back to the gang

Things are getting a bit out of hand - someone is having an episode in the toilets with regards to the current f***boy situation, and you’re starting to get hungry.

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Time to get food.

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11. At the kebab shop, you actively ignore the questionable hygiene standards of the unidentified meat that you’re eating

You’re annihilated, so you’ll eat anything at this point as long as its dripping with grease and slathered with sauce.

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12. Contentedly belching from your questionable meal, you stumble home only to find that the after sesh is in full swing

This is fun initially, but soon progresses to the point that you begin to question the very essence of life… Time to get the f*** to bed.

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13. You wake up feeling a bit worse for wear….

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14. But you conclude that all in all it was a great laugh, and bloody well worth it. Next week comes around, and it’s time to start it all over again...

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