Living in squalor is all-part of the student experience. A perfect mix of modern ikea furniture and 70s furnishings, lax cleaning rotas and the aftermath of a messy pre-drinks form an image of the stereotypical student house. But whether your house is a student hovel or palace we’ve made a list of all the things you’ll find there:
Mould is a student house staple. The unavoidable damp which results will make you ill at first but over time, paired with the lack of heating, you will become immune.
2. Stolen pint glasses
Many will be acquired over the years.
3. A Henry Hoover
It’s widely believed that a house does not qualify as a student house without one. Dyson ain’t got nothing on Henry - although at times Henry can be stubborn at doing his job properly and refuses to be emptied.
4. Unclaimed fridge items
These mysterious items can go unclaimed for the whole year, but you still leave them there just in case.
5. Drying clothes
Every radiator, random wall hook, curtain rail and chair will be draped in damp clothing - because tumble dryers are overrated.
6. An over-sensitive fire alarm
It doesn’t matter what you’re doing - whether you’re just watching TV or have in fact started a fire, the fire alarm will rudely blare out at the most unexpected times. GAH.
7. A stranger
You have no idea who they are or where they came from. They could be here to repair the boiler, they could be a friend of your housemate who passed out on your sofa - the possibilities are endless so you just leave them to it.
8. A bed sheet covering a window
There will be at least one window that is without curtains or a blind when you move in. Usually to much annoyance, it is a critical window. For instance, a window at the front of the house putting your living room on show to passers by or, even worse, a bedroom window resulting in no protection from the daylight during your afternoon naps.
9. Alcohol, lots of it
As a student, it is of utmost important to be fully prepared for spontaneous nights out with a selection of alcohol. Empty bottles are lined up on your kitchen worktop as if they were collectables.
10. Letters from the TV Licensing company
A TV? Nope, definitely don’t have one of those.
11. Pizza boxes
Acting as a sickening reminder of your out of control eating habits, the multitude of empty boxes (with the addition of the odd crust) will make navigating the room comparable to taking on an obstacle course. It can't be helping the Feng Shui either.
12. A selection of student cookbooks
None of which have ever been opened.
13. A road sign or traffic cone
No student house is complete without one. Why are students so attracted to road signs? What is the allure of a traffic cone, I hear you ask? Answer: you can wear them on your head (warning: do not try this at home).
14. A pack of cards
With numerous missing cards - most of which will be stuck to a table by alcohol spillages.
15. A pointless cleaning rota
It sounded like a good idea at the beginning of the year, but let’s face it there are a lot more important things to be doing as a student - like sleeping. Usually there’s one housemate who is super keen to keep the place spick and span. They don’t appreciate laziness and it can cause some friction - in the form of passive-aggressive notes...
16. A pile of washing up
Featuring a burnt pan that you’ll never be able to use again but can’t quite muster the energy to throw away.